Almost Falling For the Forbidden

#TCFNoteToSelf


He was dorky and smart, awkward but well-meaning, and he made me laugh even at the most severely inopportune moments. He was seven years older, mature and ruggedly appealing. Later, he confessed that he’s also very much married.

I never expected I’d find myself attracted to someone I just met, much less to a married man. However, if there was ever something that was consistent with life, it is this: there will always be unexpected turns, and they’re not always the good kind. What you choose to do during these turns determine exactly just what kind of person you are.

I knew there was something inherently fishy with the fact that I was attracted to someone I didn’t even know anything to begin with. Call it a gut-feel, or a woman’s intuition, but even if I was attracted to him, I couldn’t help but be cautious.

And while most women turn to online research whenever they liked a new guy, I deferred. I was determined to rid myself of the inappropriate attraction I felt towards a complete stranger. With an iron-clad self-restraint, I focused my attention towards work.

Yes, I was cautious around him, but I will admit to enjoying the feeling of having something to look forward to whenever we had to attend the same events together. I was cautious, but I was not unfeeling.

Increased interactions with him became inevitable as months passed, and getting to know him little by little only made the growing attraction painfully obvious to myself.

On top of his sense of humor, he was also adept at handling crisis. He’s competent and reliable – things that I admired him for.

He never talked about his family, never wore a wedding ring, and never gave any indication that he was married either. Even his phone’s wallpaper was a picture of himself only.

Often, our conversations revolved around his youth, and about just what kind of rascal he was when he was younger. These included the facial scar that ran on his forehead from a baseball accident, the fact that he was the product of a broken family, and the status of his education for his Master’s Degree.

I knew I was in danger of falling for him, but I didn’t know what kept me cautious. I’ve always prided myself in being a good judge of character, but he remained an enigma.

Until one night.

“Drunk words, sober thoughts.” – This saying couldn’t be more true.

He confessed everything over drinks.

He had been married since he was twenty-one; to a girl he got pregnant out of wedlock. He was supposed to enter priesthood, but his indiscretions forced him out of the seminary. His conscience obligated him to accept responsibility for the woman he got pregnant after only knowing each other for three months.

They’ve been married for eleven years, and now with two kids.

His words were devastating, but more than anything I felt relief.

Hey, I dodged a bullet.

I almost fell for the forbidden, but I survived unscathed.

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